remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
