we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
