ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
