you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
