Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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