Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
