hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
