You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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