Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
farters have to be the big spoon...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
