I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
