i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I look better un-naked...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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