It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
