Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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