I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Farmville is her only friend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
as a side note pls kill me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
