I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
