If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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