im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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