This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
