two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
