I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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