oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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