we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
