The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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