i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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