The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
this is an emotional support booty call
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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