I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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