gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Randomize
