ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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