I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
