i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
