there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
