My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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