He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
