yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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