Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
