I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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