i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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