no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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