mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
