I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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