i love accidental penises.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
