the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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