We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
