babies were throwing up all over the place
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
