I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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