Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
