I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
