batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
