I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
