I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
